Thursday, December 17, 2009

Traffic Jam Recipe

Traffic Jam Recipe:

Start with one small very hot coffee with cream and sugar from any McDonalds drive-thru...
and proceed to spill into lap.
Combine 2 cellphone calls with 2 misbehaving children in the backseat.
Throw in two fighting dogs.  (Corgi's seem to do pretty well but any breed will do...females work best.)
Add one lead foot and one blue haired lady on her way to an eye appointment.
Mix in 1 fender bender with 10 adults rubbernecking and 2 kids just necking.
It is imperative at this stage that a missed deadline is included along with an important Fedex package
that is supposed to include important documents.
Blend in 1 pothole with one flat tire and a screaming baby.
Change both with appropriate tools, however a spare tire in the trunk is not recommended
as it will shorten sitting time.
A long sitting time is very important for a proper jam.
At this stage is is important to mix in the main ingredient of 1 or more VW beetles on their 
way to a Star Trek convention.  The older models work best, but the newer
version is acceptable, just not as reliable.  A gas guzzler should be set directly in front to provide the 
necessary noxious fumes.  Chill the above in 18 degree temperatures making sure the heater
is not working and the windows don't close.
Other ingredients for the ultimate experience:  
A pack of cyclists need to be in all lanes of traffic.  One 15 year old with a restricted license.
One 26 year old with a revoked license.
One Japanese tourist with no license.
One broken traffic light.
On irate police officer.
1/2 mobile home parked in the median.  
The other 1/2 parked across all lanes of traffic.
Seven DOT workers standing around a man in a hole and
one man in the hole working for DOT.
A little freezing rain with a snow storm on the way.
Make sure that no bread or milk is in the refrigerator at home.
It is best that it be Christmas Eve and you should be on your way to the mall at closing time.
Heartburn and upset stomach represent the makings of a good quality mix.
Throw in a migraine and you have a great traffic jam.


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